25th Jan...

I had very strange dreams last night. I dreamt that i was in a fantastical world. Like something from Avata. I was at a big warehouse space in this world. They were building art studios in this place. However these spaces were to small and they weren't able to use the huge capacity of the space. In the dream there was someone whom wanted to be with me. And i became close to them. However everyone else in the dream knew that she wasn't right for me. I knew they knew!!! Later I was staying at my friend Andy and Helens house however it wasn't their old house. This was being rented. This new place was part of the art studios I think. I was so happy to have the santuary of the room they provided me with. The land where the studio was like a magical Grand Canyon. And the platform to see it was very high up. I knew that in the past i would be scared to be so high up. However this time I overcame my fears. I just stared in wonder at this magical world. I was scared but i chose to sit with my fear. I wondered why this place had to be so high. But i knew at the same time people need to see the world from high up to remind themselves of their humanity.

Now i have woken up I am thinking about many things. I am thinking about my own and other people's desires. I am thinking about my past. What i have left behind. This dream parallels the place i was living. Newcastle. It was a New Newcastle. I guess when i was there, people could see and know my mistakes, caused by desire. I lived in a place which was very high looking over the old Newcastle. I always liked this. That I could overlook the place I lived. In the dream everything was hyper real. The people were struggling to make their place in the studio place. As I guess they are doing in my old studio in Old Newcastle. And in the Old Newcastle i guess my friends like Andy and Helen provided me with santuary. By allowing my to make art in a free and unhindered way. I guess in the New Newcastle, which is in my mind. An imaginary place where I will live in the future. Here I will also take this santuary with me in spirit. But I guess i need to trust my friends too. In the dream i didn't, and this made me feel lonely and apart from my true identity. The person I should be.

As I sit here in Slovakia. Writing all these deep things. I listen to gypsy music, which stirs my soul. I guess my dream is my past stirred up to show me how to proceed and from this dream. I feel that I need to be more aware of my dealings with people and to avoid putting myself in situations where my spirit can't be free. Easier said than done. These gypsy voices I hear are certainly free. I guess I will always struggle, and freedom itself isn't a given but something we should struggle for on a daily basis. Also it makes me realise how important Andy and Helen and my other good friends are in my life. They are real people that aren't afraid to search for freedom and truth. I am glad to have these inspirations in my life...And to inspire them back!! I lift my fist and shout: liberty, faith and creativity...Lets give each other the santuary we need and sit on this high plateaux of creativity and not be afraid. Look at how magical the world is...